A Year

It's been a year last week since Mom first found out she had terminal Cholagiocarcinoma.  4 months later, she was gone.  This year went by so incredibly fast, I'm just amazed.  And sad.  The hardest part since her death is plainly and simply...she's not here.  When we traveled, or when the kids did something special, I really had no one I could share the pictures with.  I have so much I want to tell her, but I can't.  There's no one in this world who has the bond that she and I had.  It's just so hard not having EITHER parent alive.  Nobody who just...knows.   I have learned to nurture my relationship with my own daughter and my two boys.  I feel confident that when it's my time to go, they will take care of me, and each other. 

If I Had Only Known
by Reba McIntire

If I had only known
It was the last walk in the rain
I'd keep you out for hours in the storm
I would hold your hand
Like a life line to my heart
Underneath the thunder we'd be warm
If I had only known
It was our last walk in the rain

If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again
I'd memorize each thing you ever said
And on those lonely nights
I could think of them once more
Keep your words alive inside my head
If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again

You were the treasure in my hand
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware I foolishly believed
That you would always be there
But then there came a day
And I turned my head and you slipped away

If I had only known
It was my last night by your side
I'd pray a miracle would stop the dawn
And when you'd smile at me
I would look into your eyes
And make sure you know my love
For you goes on and on
If I had only known
If I had only known
The love I would've shown
If I had only known