Again, thanks...

Thank you to all of you who travelled this journey with me. My mom has been memorialized, and now the healing can begin. You have all been so kind to me. Hugs and love to you all. If you need to contact me in the future, please feel free. I love to hear stories about my mom from dear friends. You can also contact me by email at bepelfrey at gmail dot com (form into email address).

Hugs and love to you all!

Becky

Kathy's Memorial Service

My mother's Memorial service will be held at 7:00pm, Monday,
November 21st at Lucas Funeral Home, 700 Wall Street, Grapevine, TX.

The Dance

To all my sweet friends who have joined me on this journey; my sweet mother passed away peacefully in her sleep, holding hands with my sister, niece and me at 6:37 pm this evening.  We are all at peace now, and she is no longer in pain.

Coincidentally, Mom died on November 17th, the same date that she lost her own mother, 24 years ago.

The Dance, by Garth Brooks
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance

Her time is near, my friends. We are at her bedside, and telling her it's time to go, when shes ready.

Changes

Our beautiful mom

 We took these pictures tonight.  They will be awesome memories and reminders of how much we loved each other. 

Mom and Sue

Mom and m

Today was a very bizarre day.  Mom woke up this morning thinking that she was on the phone with "the mortgage company, trying to close on her house."  Then she asked me why "the Shitzu rescue people were here" [she doesn't have a Shitzu], and finally, she said she just had a vivid dream that the man next door had "barged into her house, got rid of all of her flowers, and then told her that they were going camping so that she could have a new life."  The hospice nurse told us that some of the hallucinations are from her morphine, and some are from the disease itself.  Either way, she's showing all the classic signs of "end of life."  She is dreaming about people she's known who have passed over, and she's very calm about going.  She has said more than once that she is ready now, and wants to be out of pain.  We have told her over and over that when she is ready, we are ready, too.  Luckily, hospice gave us a pamphlet, and it's helping us immensely in knowing the signs of end-of-life.

We are just hugging and loving on her, and enjoying being together, the three of us.

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Good day!

Well, semi-false alarm. Mom is bright eyed and bushy tailed today. Already ordering me around at 7:30 am! Lol. I love my mommy. And sleep. Wait? What's sleep? ;)

Mom is seeming very disoriented today. I'm sorry to say, that I don't think it's going to be much longer. It's hard for me to say this out loud, but I see the decline. I am so glad my sister and I are here this week. Thank you all for your support and love, always. ♥

My sister Sue and Aunt are with my mom again tonight, and my sweet niece Brittany Hagen flew in from Florida, too! I'm home with my family for one more night, and then we're all going to meet at Mom's tomorrow. Mom seems really happy to have her family around. She's even eating pizza! ;) My sister is getting to stay all next week with Mom and me. Yay

Buddy

I had posted that my mom needed a home for her doggie, but as soon as I posted it, her sweet nurse's aid said she wanted him. We're so excited that Buddy has a good home. ♥ My sister Sue and my aunt are here, too. Sue's going to stay a few days (instead of just the weekend) and that's wonderful.

UPDATE 11/15/11"
Buddy is now "truck driver!" He's been traveling with the nurse's husband all over Texas. He loves his new "daddy!"

Exhausted beyond belief. Aunt and Sister are in town to help. Feel like I have a newborn again. Love my mom with all my heart and soul. zzzzzzz

Inspiration

Sue, Mom and Me in 1995

My mom spent 25 years as a travel agent, and retired in 2010. She was fortunate to be the travel agent for the Texas Rangers and the Dallas Mavericks. After George Bush sold his part of the Rangers and the ownership changed, the Dallas Mavericks became her biggest client. Toward the end of her career, the Mavs used their own planes, so she mostly did their ground travel. Over the years, she has planned vacations for many of the Rangers and Mavs players and their families. And Juan Gonzalez's...."sisters"....;). Today she received 8 cards in the mail from the Mavs organization. What a beautiful smile it brought to her face. I'm so proud of my mom, and how many people love her. ♥

Day 5

Day 5 with Mom was great. She got a hospital bed and a walker, and things seem much easier for her. She ate some chicken and guess what? GODIVA CHOCOLATE! (her fave). The hospice nurse said that unfortunately, or I guess fortunately, Mom does not qualify for 24 hr nursing care, so as of today, I became "Becky Pelfrey, honorary RN!" Pretty good considering that the only classes I got D's in in college were the "-ology" classes. Anyway, we're hoping to find some respite care for me for the weekends. I need to be home with the kiddos and my wonderful husband, but Mom can't be alone. As she gets worse, an actual RN can stay with her on weekends, but at this moment, my main purpose is to be with her full-time, since she can't function alone. I wouldn't have it any other way. :)

Just found out that my friend Michelle Buttitta lost her sweet mother last night to the same cancer that my mom is battling, and another friend and former student, Lauren Siska lost her mother last week to cancer. I have no words to describe how angry I am that so many of us are losing our moms too soon. How can people say there is a good reason?

I wrote this post on Facebook today. I so adore my Facebook friends.

"Every single comment that every single one of you makes to me means the world to me. You all have been my strength, and will continue to be, I'm sure. Some people don't understand the magic of Facebook. I do. I SO do. ♥"

Day 4

Today was SUCH a monumental day for Mom. She was able to sit up by herself, then ate some chicken broth! That was the first sustenance-type thing she's had since last week. THEN for dinner, she ate part of a chicken breast! That's the first SOLID food she's had for weeks. I am so pleased. Small steps can be huge. Thank you for all your love, again. ♥

With Every Goodbye

I found this poem on a plaque on Mom's wall. It touches me. And has a lot of meanings.

Learn With Every Goodbye

After a while, you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child,
And learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
And after a while, you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn
and learn…
With every goodbye, you learn

– Veronica A Shoffstall 

Day 3

Day three with Mom. She seems so much stronger today, but yet less and less independent. She's not able to get out of bed by herself, so I'm doing a lot of lifting, but it's still all worth it. Tomorrow I will be able to talk to the hospice nurse about Mom's needs (hospital bed, walker, etc). It's amazing to me how fast this is going. Reminds me of a song from the 70s..."Day by Day." sigh

Day 2

Day 2 with Mommy. She's been able to keep a lot of her meds down now, so that's great. She still hasn't eaten, but the nurses are not sure she will. She has told me over and over what a relief it is for me to be here. That makes me feel so good. She's saying she's ready for a hospital bed, and I definitely think she needs a cane or walker.  I'm be talking to her nurse about that on Monday.  For the time being, I'll be staying out here through Wednesday, but longer if needed.  This is short term for the most important time of my and my mom's life. 

Time for Me

Well, it looks like Mom is going to need full-time care. The hospice nurse wants me to stay out here this weekend and document how Mom is doing. She hasn't eaten in a week and is now nauseated and can't keep pain meds down. She sleeps a lot. I feel good being here.