Sunday, September 18, 2011

No News is Good News, right?

First of all, for the most part, assume that no news is good news.  It's so sad that I'm  not posting good updates, and I should be thankful for every GOOD moment there is, but in the long run, I'd rather just go with the "status quo" sometimes, and not have to stop and write about it.

Well, and then there's the other thing.  One night, just for kicks, I thought I'd read "at" this little book that the hospice people gave me called "When It's Time."  I knew it was about death approaching, and I'm pretty certain it's going to be a little while for Mom, so I just thought I'd read a few pages.  All of a sudden I got this panic/anxiety attack, and nearly collapsed.  WHERE did THAT come from?  I was so frustrated that I couldn't control myself from crying, sobbing, bargaining.  It was was like all of a sudden I was thinking about trying more and more things to make sure there wasn't more we could do.  Bill finally had to calm me down, and that's the last time I've done that!!  However, now, every time I even let myself "go there," [think about her dying], I panic again.

I guess I didn't mention that everything, for the most part, is going ok with her hospice.  She's definitely getting the help she needs.  I'm not really pleased with the change in staff and things so much, and I really wish we had someone to talk to other than a reverend.  I know that he's probably a great guy, and yada yada yada...I'd just prefer a licensed psychologist or something.  I'll have to find one on my own. Or not.

But all and all, my mom is doing well.  She goes to the store by herself, and so far is feeling better.  It's like she's back to her old self.  Yet she's not.

I appreciate everyone who reads this and offers support.  I kinda suck at responding, and that's rude of me.  Just know that I love you all for caring. 

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